WTF...

Hopefully you didn't have a chance to read that last bit of BS that I posted before I deleted it. To Roadshow 7, Roadshow 5 and Red 4 you're correct that last post went too far. I have re-evaluated my life and have re-dedicated it to the founding principals of the Traveling Road Show. However you are all dead the next time I see you.

Roadshow 6 Out.

Valentine's Day in Iraq...

V-day here in the SUCK would have passed without notice had it not been for a package from my Mom, that contained 44 SpongeBob Squarepants gummy crabby patty valentines’. Being single the only attention that I paid to V-day revolved around the two boxes containing the patties. I had a couple of options one being to eat all 44 patties (intriguing yes, healthy no), option two being to despite the homosexual overtones give them out. Here is where I went wrong instead of saying “hey, dude want a crabby patty?” I took the elementary school route and wrote names on them and handed them out. The reactions that I received were a priceless mix: there were hugs, handshakes, laughter and weird glances. Surprisingly out of all of the reactions the weird glances were the least popular.

So… in short thank you Mom for the candy that brightened our day here in the SUCK and of course…

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!

Your Crabby Patty in my grasp...

it of course went into my tummy- thank you Y ...

Peace and Love- Roadshow 6

iTunes, Tenacious D and Port-a-Lets...

So every now and again we need to take a break from all the seriousness and have a moment of utter absurdity- here we go…

Let’s start with this the top five most played songs on my iTunes:

1. Karate- Tenacious D
2. American Baby- Dave Matthews Band
3. Ants Marching- DMB
4. A Little Less Conversation (JXL Remix)- Elvis Presley
5. When We Ride- 2Pac

What is this? I come to Iraq and Sinatra, Buffett and any form of country music leave my top 5. Not just that they left the top 25 altogether- below is a list of artists in the top 25 and how many songs they have there.

1. Tenacious D- 9
2. 2Pac- 5
3. DMB- 4
4. Elvis-1
5. John Mayer- 1
6. Flogging Molly- 1
7. Great White- 1
8. Jimi Hendrix-1
9. Naughty by Nature- 1
10. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony- 1

I am confused by this- my top 25 didn’t look like this before I got here- oh well.

Are you down with the D? Tenacious D that is, I am very thankful to Roadshow 7 and Red 4 for introducing me to the D- it has been a life altering ride. The combination of comedic relief and actual musical ability is quite refreshing. I give you this picture of the D, which is not the best picture of them but it helps lead into this next bit of temporary insanity.

The Port-a-Let…

As you can see in the above picture Jack and KG are coming out of one. Now the Port-a-Let is unlike anything else in this world and did play a role in my life until I got to Kuwait. Now we all have memories of county fairs and having to stand in line for the Port-a-Let. We all remember from those experiences how disgusting they can be, through all of that I never felt the urge to throw up in one until I got to Kuwait. What you have there that makes the Port-a-Let so unique is a transient population that actually lives there for a few weeks. So you have a bunch of people who don’t care how disgusting the place gets, because they are leaving, however they are staying there long enough to actually leave quite a bit of filth around. Also when you arrive in the Middle East you learn something about the Port-a-Let, they don’t have minty blue water that they clean it with, they just have regular water- so instantly it isn’t as clean as you would expect. In all seriousness in the states a freshly cleaned Port-a-Let can be a thing of beauty. I remember how excited I was to arrive here and learn that we have real toilets, oh the simple joys. Then my simple joy was shattered to learn that our commander is OK with civilian clothes if you are in the building but once you go outside you need to be in military gear. Here is where I should probably tell you that the bathroom is outside, hence the issue. Now the Port-a-Lets that we have our located on the backside of the mausoleum, where the CO doesn’t go- so now at night I use them exclusively since I am usually in PJ pants and ball cap. One thing that I miss from the Port-a-Lets that I have seen in my travels is the graffiti- when people have to live with a Port-a-Let they don’t write in it, unlike when you are in a transient Port-a-Let. When we were in Kuwait we even had a bit of an issue over things that were written in the Port-a-Let; people don’t always like hearing what others have to say about them- when no one will find out who said it.

I will leave you with one funny Port-a-Let story and then I need to get ready for a mission. By the by stop readying here if you are under the impression that I don’t drink, don’t get drunk and never have too much fun. I will even end the post for you so you feel complete.

Peace and Love- Roadshow 6





Alright if you have come this far why not go a little farther?




My funny Port-a-Let story…

So here I am in Marion at the Mississinewa 1812 event, I venture down to the river pirate camp. ***side note: any story that for real involves pirates could always be bad*** We have quite a night of drinking and singing and all around debauchery. The problem isn’t the amount of alcohol (maybe partially), but rather the different varieties that are all consumed. I mean everyone brings a bottle and just kind of passes it around, until they are all gone. So we do this, I at some point need to relieve myself and instead of just going in the wood line I venture down to the Port-a-Lets. I have learned that I like to walk when I drink; it increases the chances of meeting new people. I walk right into the handicap version, because it is bigger and eventually this is what bites me in the arse. Remember that I am wearing early 19th century clothing and the shoes of the period don’t have much traction. I am so, tired (read: drunk) that I do not have the ability to stand up on the slick Port-a-Let floor in those shoes. So I am on my hands and knees attempting to get up and get out of there, because by this point I realize that no good is going to come of this. It seemed like it took at an hour for me to get up and get out of there, when I finally did I relieved myself on the Port-a-Let from the outside and got on with my night. ***side note #2: I am not always this vulgar, this was simply funny in all honesty when I look back on it*** So I made my way back to the party had a few more drinks then time traveled into what I thought was my bedroll. It turned out to be a pile of deer hair that had been removed from the hide earlier that day; I didn’t know this until a very helpful friend woke me up and moved me into my blankets.

So there was my Port-a-Let story I hope that you enjoyed it as much reading it as I did reliving it in my head as I typed it. Here is where I end the madness and get around to playing war for the rest of the day. Be safe my friends.

Peace and Love- Roadshow 6

If you can tie this entire post together enough to have a title, please leave it in the comments...

A second attempt at this- my computer dumped the first one.

So… Another week has passed and I still have ten fingers and as many toes. It has been a busy week, not too many more missions than usual, but the times have been weird. One of my personal keys to not being tired all the time is having a consistent sleep pattern- I haven’t had one of those since we left Kuwait. I did spend a couple of days at BIAP, Baghdad International Airport; it is nice to see how the other half lives. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t trade our current situation for the other, but they do have some amenities that I wouldn’t mind having closer. We managed not to get anyone too blown up this week, so that is a good thing. I got around to answering a few emails, however the letters aren’t coming as well as I would hope. New pictures of the niece arrived in the inbox this week, so thanks to my sister for those. An email from one of my Ulster Project teens arrived, it was awesome to hear from her and know that she is doing well, and there is something about facing death on a semi-regular basis that makes a person like to get messages from long lost friends. TRS got its first link on another website, thank you Ang- and if I could figure out how to change my links I would return the favor. Before I continue I will show you a couple of pictures that show just how much they love us here.

This one is pretty clear.

This one isn’t quite as clear; it reads “to scared US Army have a nice bomb.” Gee, thanks buddy- I can’t start to tell you how much that means to me. Some of the people around here are so thoughtful, seriously- who doesn’t want to have a nice bomb? I know that I do, if I have to have one let’s at least make it a nice one. I may have to make my own stencil that says, “To scared insurgents have a nice 7.62mm round to the forehead.” I hate to sound hateful, but piss off. The soldiers here in Iraq aren’t trying to make it a colony of the United States; we are trying to give the people a fresh start without a dictator in charge. Oh well- you can’t please everyone. One more thing before I let this frustration die, if the insurgents aren’t scared why don’t they put on uniforms and show up for a real fight?

Period… done end of anger.

I am going to put this cartoon in here because I think it is funny and pokes fun not at the majority of Islam but at the silly fringe morons that interpret a peaceful religion so incredibly incorrectly.

Who doesn’t love Garfield?

I am sure that most of you saw that they piped the Super Bowl in here live on television, of course what they don’t tell you is that they don’t let us see the good commercials. We get military propaganda at every turn here even during the big game. Of course since the Bears weren’t playing, I watched just enough of the game to confirm that the good commercials were not on and then went to bed. I was tired after my 6 hour mission and a non-Bears game, just didn’t sound that exciting.

Today the kidnappers of Jill Carroll gave another deadline for her murder (I almost called it an execution, but these people are murderers, point blank). I remember the day she was kidnapped and how the call came over the radio saying that a US journalist had been captured and was in X type of car moving through Baghdad. Now if you haven’t been here you may not realize that there are only about five types of cars on the road here and whenever you are looking for a specific type of car, there about a 100 of that car on the road. So there we were looking with all that we had for this poor journalist and I remember how totally helpless we felt. It is also so frustrating hearing them say that she is in this and we don’t hear or see anything that might tip us off. Once again put a uniform on and come fight- I live with about a hundred guys who would be down for whooping some ass.

Moving on…

The kids here are so cute, I’m a sucker anyways, but it is very rewarding knowing that these kids won’t have to live in the fear that their parents did. I have some great cute kid shots- that you will definitely want to see when I get home; I may put one in at the end of the post. The children of this country have a chance to reshape the Arab world- that is a big responsibility and I wonder if they can understand the chance that they have. I do hope that we realize the responsibility that we have to them; we have to help them along the way. The last thing we need to do is tell them what to think but we need to show them different schools of thought so that they can make informed and educated decisions. Schools need to be a focus of our work here, of course that is so far above our level I wish that I could make a difference but all I can do is try to help them out with what my limited power and influence allows. This of course amounts to soccer games, food, water, and chewing gum most of the time. I guess at times you just have to accept your limitations and do the best with what you have.

I’ll leave you with one final thought, a picture of the future, and then I will have to call it a night.

Red 4 and I were talking via the instant messenger yesterday and he told me that Joe Crosser passed away. I don’t mention names around here too much and especially full names but this one deserves it.

Joe was one of the greatest brothers that Lambda Chi Alpha ever knew- I thank Joe for instilling his love of Lambda Chi in so many of us. He was a great representative for the Fraternity; he cared so much for the brotherhood. I think my favorite pictures of Joe have to be the two shots of him and I with his beard shaved half off, one pic showing the bearded Joe, the other the clean shaven. I was truly blessed to have known Joe for the time that I did, he touched all of our lives in such a special way. I remember a conversation he and I had concerning his employer not liking his wooden tie and how that surprised him. After Joe graduated most of our contact came by playing games together on the internet, I never thought that I would never see him again. Joe you will be missed my friend- the world has lost a great man.


















This is why we are here...

Until next time, as always…

Peace and Love- Roadshow 6

It does feel better to talk about it...

I have been putting this update off because I haven’t been very happy the last week and I hate to project negativity, because you guys shouldn’t be worrying about me.

I feel that I may cast off the restraint that has kept me from writing in anger and blow off a little steam- of course I may not, so hold on and let’s see where we go.

The last week has not been a good week here in Fun City, we have had two soldiers lose their brothers at home, one soldier get shot, and had our troop leadership tell our platoon leadership that we are the biggest pieces of shit that they have seen. There is another incident that I wish I could speak about, however it will be discussed later in a general paragraph that will just frustrate you and me- equally I am sure. I have been butt raped for the last month by the man and I haven’t said anything to anyone who isn’t in Fun City with me.

A few things have gone right in Fun City this last week; it is funny how when things seem ever so bleak that we will get this one small ray of sunshine that will (even though it is temporary) bring things back into perspective. Of course there is one school of thought that would say “how can your perspective, given your situation, be anything other than a dark one”; the subscribers to this line of thinking are so terribly misguided. Now don’t go getting the idea that I am subscribing to the theory that everything is blue birds, flowers, and happy chipmunks playing all around you. Let’s not kid ourselves at times life sucks, at times a large portion of the world is out to get you (or at least the local populace). Honestly when life involves a high probability of getting shot at or blown up every time you leave you house, things start to take on a new meaning. When everyone you meet that you didn’t come to Fun City with, could be out to kill you or the people that you work, things at times get just a little bleak.

So… let’s get the bad things out of the way, cover a couple bright spots, and see what else we have to talk about.

To start this tale that was the last week, let’s start with a typical morning I got up get dressed and headed outside to run. I stopped at the truck to check on it, when one of my friends walked up and handed me a piece of paper- he said it was a Red Cross message and that his brother had committed suicide. We sat for awhile and said nothing we then talked about Heaven and how God would judge a suicide. I was totally unprepared for this and I had no idea what I was supposed to say, so I spent most of the time listening. Thankfully the right thing was done and he is at home with his family right now.

The military has an interesting view of family- if you are more removed than a grandparent, then by definition you are not important enough warrant a soldier going home for the service. Now that you know that, I will tell you about the other soldier who lost his brother, this time though the brother wasn’t a blood brother he had just lived with this soldier and his family for 17 years and had been a groomsman in the soldier’s wedding. So obviously his life did not intertwine with the soldiers’ enough to warrant a trip back to the states for the funeral. Nor did it warrant a lifting of the communication blackout that we were in so that he could call home. I suppose there is part of me that understands why they act like this, because if they didn’t a lot of people would take advantage of what happens at home to get out of their job. I think this should be reviewed on a case by case basis if the caliber of the soldier- the soldier that was screwed this time is the type of soldier that every soldier should strive to be like.

Also this week we had a soldier get shot, he is alright and was only at the cache for about 2 hours. When we got the word that he was shot we had everybody who was available loaded into a truck and were out the gate in less than 10 minutes. We rolled out looking to seriously mess somebody up and found nothing- it was the most frustrating thing that you can imagine. The minutes in between hearing that he had been shot and learning if he was going to be OK, were some of the longest of my life. So many emotions were bubbling up- you don’t know what to do; to cry, to scream, to be angry- so many options. The long and the short of it is that we rolled out found nothing and finally got word that he had only been shot in the arse and would be released from the cache in a little while. The next little part of the story is the part where the unit tried to screw him out of his Purple Heart and Combat Action Badge; they said that they couldn’t prove malicious intent and that it could’ve been celebratory fire from somewhere. This is all true but I mean honestly the kid got shot in a combat zone- give him his Purple Heart and CAB. The jury is still out but I hope those officers who will instantly get a Bronze Star just for showing up here sleep well at night knowing that they have screwed another soldier out of what he earned. The Purple Heart is God’s medal- you were in the wrong place at the wrong time nothing more nothing less, it sucks but that’s the life we chose. None of the soldiers here signed up for this job thinking that they would spend time in Hawaii drinking Mai-tais’ and honing their beach volleyball skills. No, the men I work with are a special sort of person- it takes a the right kind of man to be told that he will work on average 7-10 km away from his nearest ally and reply that’s the job that I want to do. Please don’t cheat these soldiers out of there medals because you have a very odd interpretation of a regulation.

Enough about that…

I am not going to cover the last couple of negative things or my mom might send a Red Cross message for me or call her Congressman to tell him that she is worried about her son. I will talk about some happy things so that you don’t think it is worse than it is, I swear 90% of the time I have a great time over here.

I have spent the last few minutes writing this in my PJ pants and my Lambda Chi hat, because my mom was nice enough to send me a package full of things that I couldn’t fit into my bags when we came here. I wouldn’t have thought three years ago that I would be living in a mausoleum, fighting a war all the while coming back each night to my PJ pants and Spongebob sheets. I’ve gotten a few letters, thank you the replies are in the works I promise. Thank you for the emails as well- those replies are in the work as well. It’s funny that even with the net in my room I manage not to reply to emails quickly- I hope you understand that at times it is very difficult to know what to say. There are a lot of things that I want to say, many things that I am not allowed to say, and still others that I am not sure you would understand.
I am pleased to hear that the trip to St. Louis is a go; I look forward to pictures and stories.

There has been a request for numbered membership in The Traveling Road Show; it has been granted Red 3 (the wingman) is now none other than my senior year roommate. He is of course the wingman, because he has been married for as long as I can remember. I am not even sure that I would recognize him without his Household 6. His Household 6 is a terribly sweet girl and I am sure that she has made changes for the better. So there you go buddy; “Welcome to the show!”

I was emailed an entertaining story from one of the Road show members that details a tender moment with a member of the fairer sex. I was asked not to post the story (because said members parental units may or may not read this), but feel free to forward it on to the rest of the Show. Done and done- I wouldn’t think of posting something like that up here so your parents might accidentally read it. I leave you with only this buddy- “take it twice if she’ll…” you know the rest!

So… in this post I have called Baghdad “Fun City” I have done this in reference to a Putt-Putt course/ amusement park that we passed the other day. I will post a picture of the sign below.

Look for a post in the next couple of days that will show you how we check for IEDs.

One more thing and then I will end this post. The man is going to make me take mid-tour leave it looks like, which I really didn’t want to do unless I was going to be home for Roadshow 5’s wedding. It does however look like they are going to try and get me home for that event. This of course is all subject to change but it would be very nice to be there for that if I am forced to come home; so hopefully I will be in attendance and not have to wait for the video of the 5’s wedding like I am for the video of Red 3’s wedding.

***note to Red 3 WTF buddy no wedding video yet???***

Remember wherever there is fun to be had- the Traveling Road Show will be there.

Peace and Love- Roadshow 6